


the first i love you

by waveydnp



Series: tumblr prompts [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: "on the snowiest day ever, when we were walking through the abandoned hospital, and you had your hat on, and you lay down in the snow, and looked at the stars, and i lay next to you, and kissed you, and wrote “i love dan” in the snow"





	the first i love you

Cold feet kick snow off the path that lies before them. It’s dark, so dark, the only light the reflection of the moon off the soft white that blankets the world around them and a lone street lamp in the distance.

The rush of being in this place, this place they’re not allowed to be throbs in his veins, beating his heart faster than it should be. But it always seems to be lately, at least when he’s with the man next to him.

Man, not boy. Stubbled jaw and broad shoulders and chest hair and just as tall as him. They see eye to eye when they kiss. When they lie in Phil’s bed under those garishly coloured sheets, when they hold each other close, naked and buzzed on the feel of each other their feet tangle together.

His hands are cold too, stiff even beneath the fuzz of his mittens. He shivers and watches a swirl of mist ghost from his lips as he breathes. Phil comes from a long line of psychics Dan’s been told--he reaches out and pulls Dan’s mitten right off his hand, threading their chilled fingers together and squeezing.

His palm is warm. A shudder runs up Dan’s arm and Phil stretches that mitten meant for one back over their red knuckles.

Dan looks at Phil through the curtain of his long fringe, held in place by the soft flaps of his hat. Phil smiles back shyly, eyes bright behind his own hair, inky and perfect even speckled with snowflakes.

How can he still look shy? Surely he knows the depth of emotion contained within Dan when he pulls their hands into the pocket of his coat, when he rubs their shoulders together.

The hospital looms high around them, shattered windows and graffitied walls. Dan’s a little scared but Phil bursts with excitement as they try in vain to break their way in. The metal bars they would scale to climb up and sneak in are frozen and slippery and they agree they’re not ready to break any bones. Not tonight. Maybe another day.

He flops back into the icy powder, looks up into the blackness above him and sees that it’s dotted with the twinkling of a thousand stars. Rawtenstall at night is a sight to behold. Snow burns cold on his neck, a drop of the melted stuff runs down between his shoulder blades.

Phil lies next to him. Points a finger up. “Look,” he says. “That’s Gemini. Like you. The stars are shining for you, Dan.”

Dan looks. He can’t see anything but the random sprinkling of tiny glowing spheres hung up millions of miles away in the dark of the cosmos, like white paint splattered against a black canvas. He turns his head to look at Phil. “Is that actually Gemini?”

Phil turns his head too, his tongue poking out between his teeth. “No.”

Dan chases Phil’s giggle, stops it somewhere between his throat and his lips as he presses their mouths together. It’s a laughing kiss, all teeth and warm breath and giddiness.

“You’re an idiot.”

Phil reaches over and brushes a snow dampened curl from Dan’s eye. “Your idiot.” His hand pulls away again and Phil follows it as it reaches across Dan’s prone body and into the snow. His finger trembles as it traces through the cold, leaving a message just for Dan.

Dan’s pulse rushes in his ears. He knows Phil means what he’s written, and Dan’s honestly felt the same for ages. Probably before they’d even touched each other. Before they’d even breathed the same air.

“Yeah?” Dan asks. “Do you?”

Phil nods, face hovering over Dan’s, ocean eyes boring into his.

“Say it,” Dan whispers.

“I love you.”

Dan cranes his neck forward, catching Phil’s bottom lip between his the instant he’s gotten the words out. Phil kisses back, pulling Dan closer, shivering.

“I love you,” Dan murmurs against the softness of Phil’s mouth. “I love you.”

Phil’s hands grip his face, pulling on his hat. “I love you.”

They kiss in the snow under the stars until neither can feel their feet and they’re chilled all the way down to the bone. Dan loses count of how many times the words are whispered between them. It feels ludicrous that this is the first time. They fall from his lips like he’s been saying them his whole life, like he’s lived more lives than this one and in every one his lips were made to tell Phil how loved he is.

Phil is psychic. “Do you believe in soulmates?” he asks, as he pulls Dan up out of the snow.

Dan doesn’t. He knows he doesn’t. “I believe we belong together.”

Soulmate is too easy. Phil is not his soulmate. They weren’t destined for each other.

Phil is a choice. One Dan almost didn’t make, scared of saying no to tradition, to what was expected of him. Scared of saying goodbye to long hair and painted eyelids and a voice higher than his when it whispered these same words.

Phil is a choice, and Dan made it despite all the voices who would tell him it wasn’t the right one.

Phil was a choice, and Dan chose him and standing here shin-deep in snow beneath the vastness of the night sky he knows without a doubt that he plans on continuing to choose him for the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi waveydnp on tumblr :)


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